In this tutorial a Band is had by us 7 essay graded by an.

First you can easily read the essay, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered and also the sentence within the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond into the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial will assist you to understand:

• How a Band is got by an essay 7
• What sentence structures and language is required for a Band 7
• Tips on how to smoothly link ideas

The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people at the present time. Do the advantages with this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with additional people that are young old people. Even this fact could have both pros and cons, for me the positive implications of getting a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will talk about the advantages and disadvantages giving examples to support both point of view.

On one side, having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be much more educated than the young one, it is being why they usually have had more hours to review a professional career during their lives. For instance, to be a professional physician it really is needed at least 10 years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life and they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are likely to have high rate of crime, this might be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile showed that when you look at the south of Chile, where the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than when you look at the north where all of the population where in their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations come in general more active and more happy. This may be them to work more and maintain them-self more active because they have less old age-associated illness leading. Contributing to the truth that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, with this they could subscribe to the economy associated with the country, earning profits instead of spending. For instance, it is a fact that old societies spend a lot of cash in health with regards to their citizens that are old. Another positive element of having adult that is young is that there are more likelihood of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people do have more time and more energy than old visitors to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer all the players retires from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there is no right time for you to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This could be as they are more proactive in organize those activities and in addition more prone to be involved in them. Old people could be too tired to go out.

To close out because of the arguments given above, I firmly think that some great benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. Despite the fact that, there are a few positive components of having a mature population
that we must look into.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this particular fact might have both advantages and disadvantages, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of having a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to aid both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your usage of punctuation.
TR2– good to clearly state your opinion.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. You will need to vary your use of vocabulary if you’re able to.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people could lead to a lack of professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated than the young one, this is being why (LR2) they have had more hours to study a specialist career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a specialist physician it really is needed at least a decade of university studies and also this may not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a lot in life (LR5) plus they may be much more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could help to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will probably have higher rate of crime, this might be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A research through the University of Chile (TR5) showed that within the south of Chile, where in actuality the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice higher than within the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an example.
TR4 – Good to incorporate a good example to support your idea.
GR3 – Some problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit from the informal side, but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – as well as the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more energetic doing homewrok and much more happy. This can be because (CC5) they have less old age-associated illness leading them to operate more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, with this they could play a role in the economy for the country, earning profits instead of spending (GR4) . For instance, it is a fact that old societies fork out a lot of money in health with their old citizens (LR8) . Another positive aspect of having adult that is young is there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer almost all of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career once they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time and energy to start an activity career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This could be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and in addition almost certainly going to be involved in them. Old people can be too tired to go out.